How do we keep on going?

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It is very painful after a long and harsh battle with infertility to finally be blessed with a pregnancy and have it taken away from you.

I have been trying to write something helpful to a wonderful woman I know who has just found out that the baby she was expecting no longer has a heartbeat, but I have so far failed. And the truth is there is not a lot that can be said to help her overcome this painful moment in her life. Time to heal is what will overcome the pain. So the only thing I was able to say to her is that I was “sorry” and that “time will make it easier.” But will it really? I hope so.
If we lived near each other I would offer my company and my help in any way she could possibly need me, but unfortunately we have the Atlantic Ocean between us.

I know she will eventually be fine and she will also be a mommy some day…. she will be a great mommy as a matter of fact. One of the things infertility does to people is it makes them strong and resilient. It teaches us to be more patient, compassionate, and selfless; and these are themselves great traits to have when parenting.

But how can we keep on going and hoping after so much of the disappointment that infertility throws at us? It is nothing less than exhausting to keep falling down and having to find the strength to keep getting up to try it again. But then again what other options do we have?
With infertility we have two roads on which we can travel. We can give up trying and move on to adoption or accept life without children and make peace with our infertility, or we can keep on trying.

Could I ever be able to just give up trying? Could you? I know in my heart that giving up is not the road I will ever choose to take. We spent ten long years to conceive our daughter and when she was born the desire to have another child came to me almost immediately. We have been trying for a second child for more than five years now. One thing I will always have is hope and I will always know that no matter what, I have always tried to give my all and keep trying to follow my heart’s strong desire to have children.

But “why” do heartbreaking experiences such as a miscarriage happen to people? I don’t know, I don’t know why life is filled with so many disappointing moments and I no longer try to answer those questions. I’m not wise enough I suppose, to try to rationalize the reasons for why things get really bad sometimes. I have learned to accept (some days it works better then others) that things have a tendency to fall into place eventually. Events in life, good and bad, are just part of a big puzzle and in the end all the pieces fit together and we see the whole picture.

We just have to try to keep our chin up the best we can and hope that we don’t fall apart completely before the puzzle is finished.

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